Do You Want a Booty Call?

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booty call neon lights

Do you want someone to be your booty call? First, you need to find the right person.

This might take some time and effort to find someone that you’re sexually compatible with, but that your attraction is one with no strings attached. You have to find someone that you have a connection with, but have no desire to see if that connection is anything more. And — preferably — she needs to feel the same way. If you’re dragging her along with the promise of something more, that’s not a booty call, that’s manipulative. You don’t want to go down that road.

Essentially, the end goal should be to turn a one night stand into a recurring thing. You find that person to whom you’re physically attracted. You flirt with them and establish a rapport. Them you turn that into a sexual encounter. You might think that a great way to get this started is on a dating site, but — and this might be shocking — but there are not many women who find the prospect of first meeting a man in his apartment for a no-strings-attached sexual encounter at the top of their to do list.

Most people don’t join dating sites looking just for sex. They tend to look for something that could develop into something. And that something is not a booty call. If you do decide to use a dating site or app for finding a potential boot call, then you’re better off establishing a neutral first meeting place to determine whether the two of you work together. You don’t want to make it a date, so don’t treat it as one and be up front with your intentions. There are no strings attached and she needs to know that.

woman in lingerie in bed talking on phone, booty callYou need to open up communication between the two of you.

I know this is starting to sound a lot like a relationship — it is and it isn’t. You’re not going to have to put in the emotional work that a relationship calls for, but you do need to maintain an ongoing relationship with this person.

Emphasis needs to be placed on the relationship not becoming anything else in the future.

If you know that for sure — and you should if you’re going to enter into this kind of a relationship with someone and not get burned — then she does too. Lay out your ground rules and respect the boundaries that the two of you create on your relationship. While you’re laying the ground rules, now might be a good time to even set up some rules about things like staying the night, money for protection, and whose place is best for these connections.

She might have a day job that makes it better for you to meet her at her place and get out before breakfast, or you might be a night owl that sleeps-in in the morning, leaving it okay for her to stick around if she wants. Keep it easy and convenient. The more convenient it is, the more likely she is to want to say yes when the inevitable booty call comes.

Now for the booty call itself.

Today is a different time than when the booty call first emerged. Rarely anymore is a booty call an actual phone call. With texting, messenger Facebook, Twitter and Snapchat, there are many avenues for letting someone know that you’re up, and you want to see if they are too.  It’s always going to be awkward, whether you do it in a text or a phone call.

Asking a woman if they want to causally have sex just isn’t a normal part of your day and is outside of the bounds of what most people are prepared to go into in the normal course of a conversation. But if you want this to happen, you have to just go for it. If they react poorly, the best thing you can do is move on. Don’t pressure her. Don’t inundate her with dick pics. No one wants that.

woman in skimpy shorts holding phone, booty callSo, you’ve decided to jump in, and you’ve decided to go the text route.

And it’s late. And it’s just hanging out there. For what seems like hours. You don’t want to send it too late or you’re going to have a sleeping audience who isn’t up for anything. Here’s where communication comes in again.

If you’ve established a rapport with this person, then you’ll know their nightly routines and circumstances. Knowing these details will make hooking up a lot easier. You’ll have some idea of what they might be up to when your inevitable booty text gets sent. But for a good booty call relationship to work, you need to respect each other’s boundaries. If you know they’re working till 7, then respect those hours. If you now she’s charitable and volunteers on early Thursday mornings, stay away from Wednesday night — unless that’s a part of your schedule and it actually makes things more convenient for her.

A good rule of thumb to follow when you’re thinking about the content of your booty text is that it’s best to probably keep it vague.

“You up” “Want to hang out?” These will get the point across just fine if you have an established pattern with this person. They’ll know by the timing of it and who it’s coming from exactly what your intentions are. There’s no need to get explicit with what you’re looking for or send photos that you think might entice her. She knows what’s waiting for her, and you should have the confidence to know that this is appealing enough without getting too dirty. Save the dirty talk for when she’s there with you.

There are multiple websites out there that claim that they can hook you up with a one night stand or booty call, and they might be worth a shot, but at least go in knowing that they also tend to be full of fake profiles that are just there t either scam you or entice you to stick around after your free trial is over. But people have had success with them, so there’s something to be said about at least giving it a shot.

Good luck out there.